Thursday, February 07, 2008

On Tubberware &c

On Tubberware &c

God bless Mrs Duck. Lovely, sweet Mrs Duck who still thinks plastic containers are called 'Tubberware', and would sue me - her charming husband - for 'liable' if she reads this has, once again, almost caused me to crash the car into the sea with a random snippet of conversation:

"See those houses they've built next to the church?"

"The expensive ones they put up with the fake lychgates and arches to make them look more churchy, you mean?"

"Those are the ones. Hideous, aren't they?"

"Yeah. What about them?"

"I wonder if they built them on consummated ground."

"MWA HA HAHAAAAAARGH! I mean: Fucked if I know."

"If you can't drive in a straight line, then I'm going to take over."

Honestly, you can't take me anywhere.

On having a Thursday vote-o

After last week's postponement thanks to Our Wall Collapse Drama That Is Now Fully Covered By Lloyds TSB Insurance, I am now in position to offer a Thursday vote-o this week. Woo, and indeed, yay. Choose, then, tomorrow's Tale of Mirth and Woe from the following list:

- Launcher: "And here, Prime Minister," said the tall man in the dark suit, "are the transcripts from our illicit wire taps. I'm afraid the rumours are true. Ann Noreen Widdecombe IS running a filthy sex line."

- Leaving James Behind: "Ip - dip - dog - shit - you - are - not - it." 'Surely,' thought Barack Obama, 'There must be a better way of choosing a President.'

- Red Card: "Och, that's dreadful defending," said TV pundit Alan Hansen, "They've left themselves open to their tricky winger, turned their back to the attacker, and now he's gone and taken him up the Gary Glitter."

- Bad Dog IV: TV's Monty Don emerged from the shed with a big smile on his face. "Mulching!" he announced holding up a reeking Tesco carrier bag, "If it's good enough for that Duck fella..."

- Mix Tape: At last, despite threats of court action, Scientology's darkest secret was revealed. Tom Cruise had recently taken part in a secret ceremony and changed his name to Gloria Sbuttocks. The aliens would be coming for him any day.

You know what to do: Vote me up!

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