On passive-aggressive notes

On passive-aggressive notes

One of my esteemed colleagues gained 10,000 Hero Points the other week by leaving a superb passive-aggressive note in the staff kitchen, chiding those who leave their washing-up for others.

Hugely impressed with his use of the word slovenly, I showed him the kitchen's one, terrible secret: The drawer one of my colleagues assumes is some sort of magic dishwasher, filled as it is with a growing number of dirty plates, some of which are quite hairy.

I was so angry, I nearly wrote a note of my own:

To whomsoever it might concern,

Please take your dirty plates back to the canteen, before I track you down, rip your head off and crap down your neck. Then, I shall set fire to your desk, slaughter your workmates with a nail gun and personally wipe every trace of your existence from the face of the Earth.

Yours, A Colleague

I might add some jolly clip-art, just to form's sake. And, of course, ensure it is entirely in Comic Sans, the font of the truly cracked.

Or:

MEMO: OFFICE WASHING-UP

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Thanks!!!

Your suggestions – as ever – warmly received.