Wednesday, October 15, 2008

On being left-handed

On being left-handed

All the best people, I have decided, are left handed.

This has everything to do with the fact that your humble author does everything left-handed, except:

a) play golf, which is clearly a sport that's been built the wrong way round, and
b) wipe my bottom

The only problem with this observation is that when shaking hands with a righty, I am using my good hand to shake with somebody else's bottom mitt.

No wonder I'm a freak in polite company if "Left or right? LEFT OR RIGHT?" is screaming through my head every time I meet somebody new.

To illustrate my point on how EXCELLENT left-handers are, you will note the following people are or were all left-handed. EXCELLENT people, doing EXCELLENT things for the continued EXCELLENCE of our civilisation.

* The Boston Strangler
* Bill Gates
* Jack the Ripper

* Uri Geller
* Billy the Kid
* Paul Daniels

* The Emperor Tiberius
* Diego Maradona
* Ronald Reagan

* Robbie out of EastEnders
* Phil Collins
* General Zod

Kneel! You will kneel before Zod, all-knowing master of the left-handed empire that will last 10,000 years. Mwa ha ha haaaaaaaargh!

*cough*

Yes.

Albert Einstein was one of us as well, as is all pornography produced since 1968.

What are you? Left or right? Sinister or Dexter?

No comments: