Jesus.No, really.
I've been told – by the kind of humourless person who knits their own packed lunch - to behave myself or I'll make Jesus cry.
Yeah, right.
If I were a betting man (and there's a very good reason why I'm not), I'd give good money on the premise that your Lord and Saviour was, all things said and done, a bit of a geezer.
Let's take a look at the evidence:
He lived under the occupation of a foreign invader, complete with mass migrations and marauding Campaign for Free Galilee terrorists/freedom fighters chopping up Pilate's wife and posting her back to the Romans. So what does that good Irish lad Jesus O'Nazareth do?
- Goes on a forty day extreme backpacking holiday in the wilderness, where he has *cough* "visions"
- Goes fishing with the guys
- Hangs about with prostitutes
- Tells a mean tall tale about slaughtering fatted calves TO DETH
- Is the guy who goes out and gets more booze when the wedding party drinks the place dry
- Brought dead guy back to life as a frickin' brain-eating ZOMBIE
- Starts a punch-up in the temple
- Punches Dan Brown in the cock*
- Rode a dinosaur and took out the entire crack Roman Third Legion with illegally imported phased-plasma rifle**
On the downside:
- Beard
- Sandals
Hardly the 'meek and mild' image we've been fed these last two thousand years, I'm sure you'll agree.
I bet he didn't even cry like a girl that time they nailed him to a tree for that whole 'Romanes Eunt Domus' business.
Only a flesh wound.
Geezer.
* May actually be a lie
** May also be a lie
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