OK, I've finally got round to it. Pick this one out, so-called Tenzin Gyatso…
Dear The Dalai Lama
Congratulations on being the world's number one exiled religious leader! As exiled religious leaders go, you're right up there with the best and you totally deserve the right to party HARD with Bono and the lads.
However, as a representative of the sprawling global Scaryduck Corporation, which boasts offices on all twenty-seven known continents, we note, with some concern, your recent use of the phrase "Not Daily, Not a Llama" in your official Dalai Lama™ merchandise.
We view this as a blatant attack on our own "Not Scary, Not a Duck" phrase, which we have used under copyright since the year 2002.
Knock it off, slap-head.
Especially the Lil' Lama™ stuff, which is not going to improve anybody's Karma™.
We expect a full and frank apology in your opportunist propaganda sheet of a newspaper: The Daily Lama.
PS Don't try your Jedi mind-tricks, they don't work on Cockneys
Dear Duck BlokeIf you're going to get yourself an arch-nemesis, you might as well start at the very top.
Peace and eternal blessings upon you!
I note with interest your complaint about my use of the phrase "Not Daily, Not a Llama", which you maintain is a copyright infringement of your own tagline.
You might like to know that I first used the "Not Daily, Not a Llama" AND the more grammatically correct "Neither Daily, Nor a Llama" during my first incarnation in 1391.
Our own records show that you were existing at that time as a mongoose, having spent much of your previous life shatting through people's letterboxes.
That, I believe is a pretty emphatic first dibs.
In the circumstances, and after consulting with our New York-based lawyers, we think the best advice we can give you is this: "GET TO FUCK".
The Dalai Lama™
Not Daily, Not a Llama™
PS I have enclosed directions, should you need them