I've seen all three Star War movies. Hell, I've even seen the other three films which were nearly Star Wars movies. And throughout these works of rebel propaganda, I couldn't help thinking that The Imperial Empire comes out of it rather badly. So, I've asked the question: Was the Imperial Empire ALL bad? And - you will not be surprised to learn - the answer is a big fat NO.
Reasons to love The Imperial Empire
- They got the sub-space transports working on timeReasons to love The Rebel Alliance
- Keeping a firm foot down on Ewoks, which - given the chance - would spread round the galaxy like so much vermin, rutting away like council estate chavs
- Personally signed card from The Emperor should you be lucky enough to reach your 100th birthday whilst taking advantage of the endless work opportunities constructing the Death Star
- Getting promoted at work simply for naming your first-born son "Darth"
- Sorting out those lazy gobshites on Alderaan for once and for all
- Making black sexy again. And the sexier red light sabre makes your average Sith Lord irresistible to the ladies
- Making it socially acceptable to sleep around with clones
- TIE Fighter vs X-Wing? Listen to that engine roar - NO CONTEST. In the Top Gear test, Jeremy Clarkson would chose the TIE Fighter every time
- Being able to find the droids they're looking for, if they could be arsed
- Off-chance of seeing Princess Leia in the nip, even if she's getting on a bit these daysAs you can see, The Imperial Empire wins hands down. Come to the Dark Side. It's lovely, and there's cake
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