On getting mixed up with the Talivan
I found a speed camera recently. Or - rather - it found me.
Dear Dorset Safety Camera Partnership
Congratulations on becoming the top safety camera partnership in the whole of Dorset! Your work in preventing drivers from driving is quite literally second to none, which I mean in the most sarcastic way possible.
In fact, you are so good at making road users driver slower in Dorset, the merest sight of one of your mobile cameras on the A31 recently caused the driver in front of me to immediately stamp on his brakes in a cloud of smoke and burning rubber to bring his speed down from around 60 mph to that of a funeral cortege within approximately 0.0000035 seconds, completely obvlious to the other road users around him.
This abject asshattery caused me to have to swerve into the other lane to avoid this Honda Accord-driving menace to avoid a collision. I might - in the name of avoiding the white van man now bearing down on me - have sped up a bit to avoid a nasty tail-gating, and that was the exact moment I passed your camera at something approaching the speed of light. Trust me, that's no mean achievement in a Nissan Micra.
The doppler effect is a funny old thing, but I am pretty sure that I heard your camera operator doneing a LOL as I went past, followed several minutes later by the 100% legal and utterly safe Honda Accord bozo, sensible hat at a jaunty angle on his head, tartan rug folded neatly on the parcel shelf, in his moment of pure, undiluted derp.
If you pardon my saying: That's not really fucking safe, is it?
And herein lies the grounds for my appeal.
Be lucky.
Your new pal
Albert O'Balsam
I've got no chance, have I?
I found a speed camera recently. Or - rather - it found me.
8 comments:
First.
Only first due to overtaking all the other commenters.
Smug, hat-wearing, folded tartan travel rug on parcel shelf toting, Rover driving second.
Pscht! You were obviously driving too close to the Accord. Be thankful for speed cameras, for otherwise the bastards might install some other nasty road feature, such as a width restriction or a line of breeze blocks.
The demanding public demand to know, though, did you leave a skid mark?
I'm safe, as I left a comment length between me and Debster.
I am a Rover 600 (which is an Accord really) driver but with a rug strewn across the back seat, moss on the window, mud and stones on the floor, a pile of crap in the boot and peeling lacquer on the boot lid. I got caught and did the course. Their arguments are so sound, they make any protest stupid. It basically boils down to the following conversation: "When did you last read a copy of the Highway Code? Here." "Oh. My copy had roundabouts on the front and a bit about handsignals to give to a policeman on point duty" "Twat. What's the speed limit on a lit dual carriageway without repeater signs?" "60" "You deserve to die. It's 30. That's why you're here " "Oh fuck".
The guy on the M8 last night doing 40mph* also deserves to die
* no jams, tailbacks or built up traffic, just twatting along at 40mph
The trick is to not have pointless signs all over the place warning about the speed cameras, causing people to dangerously slow down. In Canada the speed cameras are hidden, and the offenders quietly get a fine in the post. Offenders are punished without causing additional danger (beyond their excess of speed).
You mean that speed which is in excess of the 30mph minimum and that speed that you have absolutely no idea why they were travelling at, like some form of engine management issue or tyre pressure or running on a weight saver etc?
Dunno where canadrian's from, but in the highly civilized Utopia that is the Province of Ontario, speed cameras were thrown out, for one of the following reasons:
1) invasion of privacy
2) unconstitutionally mean
3) expensive to operate/install
4) vote getting 'cause an election was coming.
Not sure which, maybe some combination thereof. Thank goodness though.
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