I get email!
Dear Scary, says yet another PR company. We represent a new dating website and we etc etc etc."Oh Lordy," I say to myself, "more promotional stuff, and it's just so hard to tell them 'no'."
But, as I read the press release, a plan forms in my head. It's about Groundhog Dating, you see, the way that people on first dates always go to the same pubs, the same bars, the same old restaurants and bore themselves stupid.
This has never happened to me because I am a firm believer in imaginative first dates. And by way of a public service (and to give those lovely people at Doing Something Dot Co Dot UK the promotion they so eloquently requested), here are a few ideas for those of you looking for lurve and an unforgettable first date experience. You will, I am sure, look back from the safety of twenty years into the future and laugh and laugh and laugh:
- An oldie-but-goodie: Take your dog for a tramp in the woods. If Fang can't catch a tramp, come back after dark and wait for the young couples to get it together in the back of their carsIn summary: DoingSomething.co.uk. They asked me nicely, so they get a plug.
- Take your date to a vegetarian restaurant, and ask for the meat option. Run away
- Take your date to any Jamie Oliver restaurant and ask if they serve tongue. Run away
- To the flicks! The latest Final Destination movie is a sure-fire choice to spark a budding romance (My first cinema date with my future ex-wife was Platoon)
- Alternatively, take her to the film set of your forthcoming cinematic extravaganza: Two Nuns, One Grail. Tell her she has passed the audition
- Take your date to a casino, and gamble him/her away on a single throw on the crap table. Then demonstrate why it's called the crap table. Run away
- Feed the ducks at your local pond with other, smaller ducks. Then feed these ducks to the geese, and then to the swans, catch and slaughter one of these mega-birds in front of your delighted date, and that's your romantic candle-lit dinner sorted
- Hire a dwarf that looks exactly like you to take her out for a meal. Pay the dwarf extra money to act like an idiot, and when your exasperated date tells him to "Grow up", he slips out to the toilet and you return to his seat. Imagine her surprise!
- Four words: M25 Death Race 2000 (Not so good if you've only got a Nissan Micra)
- Why not take your date to enjoy the poetry, theatre and camaraderie that is the home end at Millwall Football Club?
- A set of skeleton keys is excellent for setting up an alternative trip to the zoo! Unlock a choice few cages and watch Darwinian natural selection the way it is supposed to work in the wild! You may wish to run away at some point
Use it wisely, my padowan learners.
(An incredibly happy blogger writes: Also, you may try standing in the rain outside a pub for two hours. It worked perfectly well for me)