Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Haynes Manuals: All fun and games until somebody loses their vital organs

"Each manual is based on a complete stripdown and rebuild" the good people at Haynes say of the world-famous workshop manuals. All well and good if you're looking - say - for instructions on replacing the drive belt on a 1997 Nissan Micra, but something from the pit of HELL if you're dealing with sentient creatures. For eg:

Remember: "Each manual is based on a complete stripdown and rebuild". Who - I ask you - is going to tell that to Scoop, Muck and Dizzy that we're taking them to pieces for their own good? And as far as I know, there is no anaesthetic that works on cybernetic organisms, so you'll just have to put up with the screams and pitiful sobs as you ripp out the distributor cap and throw it on the pile with the rest of the hideously bleeding motor parts.

And then the rebuild, hoping beyond hope that you haven't done any permanent damage. All it takes is the good/evil flange to be installed back-to-front and you've got thirty tons of mechanical digger running amok round the town, all fun and games until somebody loses their vital organs.

On the plus side, the under-the-counter version features a full-strip down of Wendy.

There's also a Thomas the Tank Engine version. Each manual is based on a full strip down and rebuild of Ringo Starr. Enduring mental image. Sorry.

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