The office carpet: A beginner's guide

I've worked in this particular office for the best part of four years now, a double-decker aircraft hangar-sized room full of the best journalism money can buy. My, how time flies when you're having fun and you're having hallucinations brought on by the carpet tiles.

But it was only the other morning as I arrived at some unspeakably early hour that the penny dropped.

There IS a reason why the carpet looks like this:


With one square missing in the corner, it's a giant version of one of those sliding tile puzzles you get in Christmas crackers.

Given enough time, and the chance to stack all the desks outside in the rain for a couple of months, I reckon I can solve it. Judging by the lovely colours, it's going to be a sunset. Or the inside of a kitten. Or a kitten turned inside-out during a lovely sunset.

I am not mad. Just having hallucinations brought on by the carpet tiles